Something I have learned since being diagnosed with cancer and having my operation is that I am not very good at managing my expectations and I put a lot of pressure on myself to be busy and productive all the time.

I came home from hospital and fully anticipated that I would be up ad about doing my usual activities very quickly afterwards. This was not the case and I felt frustrated and upset that this wasn’t the case. I struggled with almost everything, from walking up the stairs to things as basic as putting on socks! I tell you, everything is hard nad painful when you have an 18cm cut across your abdomen. Even sneezing, laughing  and coughing for a while was a struggle.

I am much further on from surgery now, but the first six weeks of recovery was really hard work. Recovering  from surgery takes a lot of energy and ofr the first week  of being at home I slept, a lot. In fact  all I really did was sleep, only waking to take a shower each day and allow my mum and partner to help me change my bed sheets. I did nt feel like it at the time but I did make slow progress every day and would try to walk a little more each day.

Being blind did bring an extra level of complication to walking however, I use a long white cane to get around and anyone who is blind will know the absolute agony that’s felt when you jab your cane into a nick in the pavement and stab yourself in the stomach… now imagine that with a huge post surgical scar and swelling! Yeah, not a pretty thought, so I didn’t do as much walking in those early days as maybe I could have done because I was so nervous of injuring myself.  Regardless I was given strict instructions that I wasn’t allowed to do anything strenuous, physical or any heavy lifting  for at least six weeks post surgery, I wouldn’t have been able to even if I wanted to.

My mum and partner were amazing , and were there to help me, but I am glad I had prepared somewhat with the batch cooking.

Apart from the obvious, being in my own space, the darkness at night, the peace and quiet, one of the best things about being home was seeing my animals again. The three cats were there of course as soon as we got home, and despite being nervous they would do their usual routine of jumping up and laying on my tummy, paddling their little paws on me, they didn’t, it is strange, but they say animals know, and I am sure they do, because the cats still, now despite getting back to paddling my tummy area are so gentle and they don’t jump on me the same way they used to.

I had a few days of properly settling in at home before we went to get Willow though, because she is so sensitive and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t in any pain or too upset before introducing  her to the new me. But seeing her was the best feeling ever, she really is my best friend and I missed her so much. I missed going for long walks with her even more, and it started to get me very down. Being in pain, nervous to use my cane and such limited emergy was a huge barrier to joining  Willow on her walks so my mum suggested we get a wheelchair so I could still get out and not feel cooped up, and each walk I would walk a little further until I didn’t need it anymore.  I do still use it when I have low energy days, because my mood is so much better just for getting out in the fresh air.

The other thing I was havin to ajust to was my new tablet regime, thankfully my mum and partner were there to help because it is quite complicated and really had taken some getting used to. I was helpfully recommended an app called “my thherapy” that sends reminders to take your medication and rewards you at the end of the day ha ha ha.