Today marks two years since the surgery that changed my life. A lot has happened in those two years. Physically and mentally I’ll never be the same person because that day, the surgery changed me. How could it not. It changed me physically. I’ve never got back to my strength or fitness and mentally it changed me. I will never be the person I was before.

The me before cancer feels 1 million years ago, not just two years ago. But at the same time it feels like yesterday. How is that possible?

I am one of the lucky ones, I’ve been cancer free for two years. But just because I’m cancer free physically doesn’t mean I’m cancer free emotionally.   Cancer stalks me every corner every nook and cranny. Every little thought. It feels like I’m treading water and I am losing momentum.  But I’m already drowning in worry anyway. I’m worried a lot of the time now. 

On this night two years ago I could only lie on my back, I couldn’t walk, and I was on a morphine drip in hospital. Tonight I’m having an Indian takeaway in my home eating and watching the traitors. 

 … most of all, I’m two years Cancer free though. 

Without turning this into an Oscar’s acceptance speech I have to say how grateful I am for my family for their support